


Fixer Upper

by tiffywiffyfluffykitty



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: AU, Addiction, Attempted Sexual Assault, F/M, Fighting, Out of Character Natsu, Slow Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 07:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8135453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiffywiffyfluffykitty/pseuds/tiffywiffyfluffykitty
Summary: Rich girl, street fighter. They can live with that, with their relationship of bandages and designer brands, bloodstains and coffee cups. But there is one requirement: don't fall in love with him. Poor girl, she falls head over heels and he doesn't know it, not exactly, and she should've known better, not when there was "that" to deal with...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well... the story was actually supposed to go in a whole other direction, but I'm glad it turned out this way. Okay, so a few things first off.
> 
> I have no idea if Natsu's... problem... is actually possible, but I like to think that there are issues like that for every kind, whether his specifically or not. Still, even if there isn't, for the sake of the story just go along with it.
> 
> The title is taken from the idea that though Natsu has a few flaws, he can be made better in time. Kinda a play on the Frozen song, I guess. Not sure.
> 
> No idea where the little bits of the designer brands came from. Probably doesn't even make sense but I like it so I'm keeping it!
> 
> The style of the writing changes so much I get headaches whenever I try to make them fit together. Sorry if my writing is weird. I'm still trying to find what style I have.
> 
> Story can be found on ff.net under the same author. Enjoy and feedback is greatly appreciated!

"Are you alright?"

He turns and sees a girl standing behind him with a pink and black Juicy Couture handbag on her arm and Balenciaga ankle boots on her feet. She was holding a coffee cup in her hand and wore a shocked expression on her face as she took in his beaten and ragged form.

"I'm okay," he says shortly, deciding to dismiss her, turning away and continuing to wash away the blood from his hands in the water fountain.

"No you're not." Her voice was just the slightest bit exasperated as she stepped forward. "You're bleeding." She put down her drink and took a tissue out of her pocket and began to dab at his raw knuckles. "You should go to a hospital," she commented, eyeing a fresh cut on his cheek.

"I said I'm fine!" he snapped out, wanting her to stop fussing over him, and she looked offended.

"I'm just trying to help." And she pulled out a tiny travel-sized first aid kit from her bag. "I tend to get a lot of paper cuts," she explained, though he didn't ask. "So I like to carry around some Band-Aids just in case." She pulls out Neosporin and the liquid spray stung as it touched his exposed flesh, but he didn't flinch. "I wish I had something better on hand, but you'll have to do with these." She took out a few medium-sized strips and began applying them on the worse of the wounds on his hands and one on his cheek, over the cut. "And get some ice for that bruise on your jaw."

"Thanks," he muttered grudgingly when she was done.

"You're welcome," she replied brightly, tucking away the first aid kit and squeezing lemon-scented hand sanitizer on her palms and rubbing her hands together before picking up her drink. "You mind me asking what happened to you?"

He shrugged. "Fight."

A slender eyebrow raised. "Thank you, Captain Obvious. I mean, did you fight over a girl or did someone scratch your car or whatever guys fight over?"

He turned and walked away in clear dismissal. "Thanks for the Band-Aids," he called in a low voice.

"Hey!"

Feeling prickles of irritation poking at him, he turned his head slightly to the left in acknowledgement of her, but not enough to see her out of the corner of his eye. "What's your name?" she asked and there is expectation, and there is hope in her voice.

"Natsu," he replied after a long period of contemplation— he'll never see her again, so what did it matter if he gave her his name? — before turning back around and continuing to walk away. He didn't ask for her name, but she gave it to him anyway.

"I'm Lucy. Nice meeting you!" she called. There was something in her bright, cheery voice; something he couldn't identify, but the thought passes like the fleeting wings of a sparrow. There would be nothing but sadness if he tried bringing the thought back, so he lets it flit away.

He shrugged once and melted into the shadows, leaving Lucy alone by the water fountain.

* * *

"Excuse me, I'm talking to you!" Lucy snapped as she roughly wiped away blood from a cut on his arm.

Natsu jerked his arm away. "Watch it, woman!" he snarled, angry at her attitude and abrupt tone. "God, I told you it was just a fight, alright? Just drop it already."

" _Just a fight?_ Natsu, every time I find you here you're bleeding and covered in blood. How many fights do you even get into? You've been like this for the past three weeks!"

He groaned as she continued to jabber on in a rather shrill voice, high-pitched in her worry. "Shut up already, goddamn."

Lucy's eye twitched and he bit back a yell as isopropyl alcohol splashed onto his arm, making it sting with hot prickles and twitching nerves. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

She huffed and recapped the plastic bottle. "I want to know what's going on. Why are you always so injured?" She gestured at his ripped clothes, his dirtied _pink_ (he tells her it's natural, though she doesn't believe him one bit) hair, and his ever-wounded hands, scarred and scratched and swollen and scabbed over. "You keep telling me you got into a fight, like that's not vague at all."

"I'm telling you the truth," Natsu said forcefully. "I got into a fight. That's it." He watches as she wraps gauze around his arm and, not for the first time, wonders. "Why do you do this anyway? You don't know me and I don't know you. We've only seen each other a handful of times and you're already carrying around all this in your bag." It wasn't the only thing he wonders, but he refuses to think about it. He cannot, because as much as he hates to say it, it frightens him because there is one answer he absolutely cannot allow.

Her cheeks darkened slightly and her eyes refused to meet his. "Maybe I just like helping people," she retorted, and it wasn't an answer, not really. Not the one he was looking for. She reached into her bag— Givenchy this time— and pulled out a paper bag. "Here, I got you food."

He pulls out a blueberry muffin. "I don't like blueberries." And he tossed the bag back.

"Well you have to eat something." She grabbed the bag and threw it at his face. "Eat."

Natsu mutinously glares at her but pulls the muffin out and bites into it— he was a _little_ bit hungry— as Lucy finishes binding his wounds and begins to pack her things. She tossed the blood-spattered rag and Band-Aid wrappers in the garbage before disinfecting her hands and settling next to him on the bench, putting away the alcohol and kit in her purse before picking up a bottle of orange juice and sipping from it.

"Give me some of that." Natsu takes the juice from her and gulps half of it down in two swallows.

"Hey I was drinking that!" she protests. Her full lower lip sticks out in a childish pout, though her eyes seemed to shine brighter. There was something there and he looks away.

"I left you half." He hands the bottle back and she caps it.

They sit in silence, two people in the quietness of 2 am on Monday morning. It was more of lack of conversation on Natsu's part, and it was more of the enjoyment of the companionship on Lucy's, but it was comfortable silence nonetheless.

Eventually, she sighs as she realizes how late it's getting. "I assume you have somewhere to stay for the night?"

He tosses away the muffin wrapper into the darkness and she barely bites back a protest at his blatant littering. "Yeah. Thanks again." He stands and begins to walk away, hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt.

"Will I see you again?" Lucy abruptly blurts out. He doesn't see her blush.

Natsu stops, thinks about the past three weeks, wonders why he always stops at this particular water fountain and _just happens_ (Because he has to blame this all on her. He _has to.)_ and sees Lucy sitting there on the bench in her Manolo Blahnik or Christian Louboutin shoes and her Gucci or Louis Vuitton bags and her Dolce  & Gabbana or Kate Spade outfits. She came from good money, he could tell, but he couldn't understand why she continued to come.

"I don't know," he eventually says, and feels the impact of those three words more than she ever will, and leaves.

* * *

"Coffee?"

For once, he isn't all scuffed up when she sees him (well, there is a thin scratch on his eyebrow but it already stopped bleeding) but he still sits down next to her anyway despite every particle in his body telling him otherwise. "You're going to get robbed one day," he says.

Lucy tilts her head confusedly and he motions at her Prada bag. "You keep showing off your expensive stuff, you're going to get robbed one day. Or worse."

She grimaces, recognizing the truth in his words. "I don't have anything else. My family doesn't exactly shop at Macy's and Target, you know." She holds up the drinks again. "Coffee?"

Natsu shrugs. "Sure." It's a little too sweet and it tastes like caramel, but he drinks it anyway.

"You're not hurt today," she notices. There was the barest trace of disappointment in her voice.

He shrugs. "There wasn't a fight today." Not exactly true, but he wasn't going to tell her that. He didn't want to tell her much, to be honest. He doesn't think a delicate, fragile little princess like her could handle it.

She hums and goes back to sipping her coffee, staring up into the sky. There were no stars save for a few tiny pinpricks here and there. Not much to look at, to his opinion, but she stares at them like they hold all the secrets of the universe and her big chocolate brown eyes were going to drink it all in till they could hold no more.

They don't speak and he finishes his coffee and is about to leave, but she asks him a question. "What's your last name?"

"None of your business," he says gruffly.

"I bought you coffee. The least you can do is tell it to me." She raises her eyebrow and he thinks he sort of hates that look (he thinks it looks a bit imperious) but he ignores it.

He mulls over telling her another name, but then decides against it. "Dragneel."

"Natsu Dragneel." She says his name as if she's tasting it in her mouth and it was like smooth Swiss chocolate melting on her tongue and she nods once. "I like it."

"What's yours?" he asks, though he doesn't feel any curiosity behind the query. It was more out of fairness than anything; if he told her something, he expected something back in return.

Lucy bites her lip and looks nervous for once. "I… don't think I should tell you."

"Tell me." It was a demand, not a request, and it comes out brusque.

She fidgets and mumbles out a name. "Heartfilia."

A flicker of astonishment goes through him, although judging from all those designer brands, he shouldn't be surprised. "Heartfilia? Like Heartfilia Corps?"

Lucy flinches, but nods. "I'm Jude Heartfilia's daughter," she whispers, averting her eyes.

"Huh." He wasn't really surprised. The Heartfilia's were known around the country, around the _continent_ even, as one of the top three richest families in Fiore and the twenty-sixth richest in Ishgar. Coincidentally, the Heartfilia's lived in the mansion a little close to where they were now. "And you really expect me to believe that Daddy lets his little princess stay out without a bodyguard all the time?"

Lucy snaps her head around to glare at him, eyes blazing. "My father barely acknowledges my existence ever since my mother died, let alone cares about what happens to me. He lets me live off his…his _filthy_ money as long as I don't dirty the _prestigious Heartfilia name_ and—" She catches herself and stops talking, her chest heaving and her eyes sparkling with tears. She'd stood up in her anger and it was impressive, if a kitten's fury could be called impressive. "So what if I stay out till dawn? He wouldn't care," she finally said in a tiny voice.

Natsu stares at her, a little surprised at her outburst. "Fine, so you have Daddy issues." He turns back around and stares ahead with steady eyes. After a while, she sits back down and he ignores when she dabs at her eyes, smudging a little eyeliner and mascara on her wrist. "Lucy Heartfilia…" He tries out her name and she looks at him with shock, but he tastes nothing on his tongue from that name except for the barest, faintest trace of vanilla, if he could give a name to that taste. "I guess it fits."

He stands and walks away and she doesn't call after him with another question.

* * *

She looks like she's dressed up for a date, with her strappy Valentino sandals and her coral-colored Armani dress and her blonde hair (he hadn't known it was such a bright shade of gold before) in ringlets around her neck. He realizes, in some faraway corner of his mind, that this was the first time he's seen her in the light of day.

It was just past noon and the day was bright and sunny and close to approaching 95 degrees Fahrenheit. He didn't know why he wandered out that afternoon when usually he slept till evening like a cat, but he did and he idly walked around town, drawing strange looks from his bandages and pink hair which he blatantly ignored.

Natsu sees her in an outdoor café with a little blue-haired girl that he vaguely thought he's seen somewhere before and a fierce redheaded woman that he _knows_ he's met before. They fought once when they were both toddlers and their biggest concerns were who gets to the swing set first or who claims the sandbox so only they and their friends can play in it. They never spoke again and he's never forgotten his very first, very _humiliating_ loss.

He doesn't know how Lucy sees him, but she does and for some reason, her entire face lights up and she eagerly waves him over and he reluctantly crosses the street to stand under the white and green umbrella by her table.

"Natsu!" she says, beaming widely and her eyes shining and her voice just a little bit breathless.

"Hi," he says tonelessly. The other girls were examining him closely and the redhead— Erza Scarlet, he remembers— was eyeing him like he was a dangerous delinquent. Which, in all fairness, he probably is.

"This are my best friends Levy McGarden—" The blue-haired girl who looked at him with fascination and recognition. "—and Erza Scarlet." Erza's eyes narrowed slightly as she watched him, elegantly sipping her tea, and he wasn't sure if she recognized him or not. "Guys, this is Natsu Dragneel, the guy I was telling you about."

"It's nice to meet you," Levy said, extending a hand. He awkwardly shakes it once to be polite and his hand hurriedly retreats back to his pockets immediately after. "I've seen you before, you know."

"Really?" His eyes narrow as he tries to remember where.

Levy nods, large brown eyes looking at him in a _too innocent_ way. "Oh yes, that… time… with Gajeel, remember?"

Oh. So it was that.

Natsu bobs his head in a somewhat distracted nod, remembering the metal-studded man quite distinctively. "I remember." He ignores the confused looks Lucy and Erza were giving them. "I haven't seen him since that day. How's he doing?"

"He opened up his own mechanic shop," Levy said brightly. "You should go visit him sometime." She rattles off an address on the other side of town and he vaguely nods, knowing he probably will never visit that place in his life. "That is, if you have a car that needs fixing or something. Anything, really. He's good with almost any kind of metalwork."

"I'll drop by if I need him," he says, just to appease her, and Levy looks pleased.

"Good, Gajeel needs some business. Pass it on to some of your friends, will you?"

Erza clears her throat lightly to gain his attention. "So, Natsu, what do you do?"

He blinks at her in confusion, not comprehending for a moment and thinking of something else entirely. "What?"

"Your job," she stresses impatiently and Natsu lets out a short laugh, more of a burst of air than anything, when he understands.

"I don't work often but I do earn some money sometimes as a bouncer in a bar a friend of mine owns." He notices Lucy watching him closely, scrutinizing him with eyes like cognac diamonds.

"I see." Erza doesn't ask what bar and he's slightly relieved.

"You've never told me where you worked," Lucy said, leaning forward on her elbows.

Natsu shrugs. "You never asked. Well, you guys look busy and I got stuff to do. See you." He gives an offhanded wave and leaves but she asks, like she almost always asks when he's about to go.

"Will I see you again?"

He shrugs again without stopping. "I don't know." But he feels somewhere that she should've known by now. They've seen each other so many times in the last two and a half months, after all. He isn't exactly calling her stupid, but she should've at least gotten a hint that they're most likely going to meet again. Damn girl was so persistent, and—

Ah, that was close. He almost said it.

He doesn't notice the slightly disappointed look on her face. If he does, he only stares straight ahead and leaves as quickly as he can.

* * *

He hears her cries for help and though he is tired and aching and sore, he runs towards her voice and sees her struggling on the ground, the thug pinning her down with his body and one hand while the other fumbles at her shorts. Her bag was lying nearby, the contents spilled over the concrete. There were tears in her eyes, terror etched onto her features.

He lunges forward and his first punch cracks the guy across the jaw, breaking it instantly. The next, an uppercut, rams straight into the solar plexus. He doesn't bother with any fancy moves, the ones he uses for the crowd sometimes when he's in a good mood. Those were for _real fights._

One more blow to the head and the guy is out cold. Natsu kicks him in the balls, hard, for insurance and leaves him lying on the ground when the man didn't even groan.

Lucy is curled on the ground, her sobs soft but somehow loud in the silence. He sighs and picks her up and carries her to the bench. By light of the tall lamppost, he sees a large purple bruise forming on her cheek and there were red marks and scratches on her arms and legs and knees from sharp nails and strong fingers grabbing her hard enough to bruise.

He withdraws to pick up her things and stuff them into her bag. A wallet, her phone and charger, the kit and the isopropyl alcohol, a well-worn paperback novel (some romance story by Nicholas Sparks and he's somehow not surprised), a pack of breath mints, tissues, lotion, a pink Mac makeup bag, a fancy little leather notebook with an elegant fountain pen. He drops the bag next to her.

"Thank you," she whispers in a tiny, broken voice.

"You're welcome." He stops and looks at her and she's shivering a little so he takes off his jacket and hands it to her. She slowly wraps it around herself.

"You're hurt." Her eyes roam over him. "And you still came to save me."

He shrugs. "I'm not a gentleman but I still have morals, you know." His jaw clenches at his words, words that mean too much to him.

Her lips curl up in the tiniest smile. "I know." And he looks at her, with horror for a moment because _how could she know_? Then he knows she doesn't and his eyes dim.

She snuggles into his jacket and a few more tears slip out. "Come here." She takes out the kit but he shakes his head.

"I'll do it myself." He's gotten lazy from all the times Lucy bandages him up for him, but he does a fairly good job still. When he's finished, Lucy has stopped crying, but her eyes were puffy and swollen. He eyed her up and down, taking her in. "You should go home."

She shakes her head. "I don't want Father to find out…" She motions at her cheek, which had swollen up. "And the maids are sure to tell him."

"I thought you said he didn't care," Natsu said, raising an eyebrow.

"He doesn't, but…" She shrugs miserably and he decides not to ask more when he sees she might start crying again.

"Then go to one of your friends' place." He digs her phone out of her bag and hands it to her. The screen had a few thin cracks on it, but it still worked fine.

Lucy hesitates for a few moments and there was hope in her eyes again before she asks tentatively, "Do you… C-Can I stay at your place?"

" _No_."

The refusal was sharp and it cracked loudly in the air, causing her to flinch at his tone. His eyes were dark and blank and terrifying. He loomed over her and she cowered in his shadow.

"Listen here, I don't know what you've deluded yourself into thinking, but we are not, in any way, friends or anything other than acquaintances. Alright, so you're good at all this nursing crap and that's pretty handy, but _that's it_ , okay? We're not anything and we're never going to be anything other than what we are now so…" He looks at her and she's crying again and she looks like her heart is breaking and he couldn't see why she looked like that even though the truth is staring right at him, reflected in those glimmering eyes. (And he knew already, somehow. He knew but he refused to see, refused to acknowledge it.) He couldn't feel anything save for the anger and the need for her to understand that _he's alone. He's alone and he's going to be alone, possibly forever, but that's fine with him._

"I'm sorry…" she chokes out eventually and now anger, anger at herself, fills those dark brown pools. Because stupid her, for thinking that a person who cannot love anyone besides himself can hope to care for her like she cared for him.

Natsu shakes his head, turns to go. "Keep the jacket." He walks further and further away from the pool of light and she calls out, almost pitifully.

"Will I see you again?"

But he doesn't respond and continues walking into the shadows. Where he belongs. Where he'd always belonged. Where he always will belong.

* * *

They don't see each other for months after that and before he knew it, it was winter and his hands are stinging as the snowflakes fall onto his tattered wounds and he knew that cut on his arm was slowly dripping blood onto the pure white snow but he doesn't care because he was so exhausted.

He wanders into the park and he flops into a bench and digs through his jacket for the disinfectant wipes and rolls of gauze and tape he now keeps in his inner breast pocket. He cleans himself off and rolls on the gauze and tapes it and, finished, he stands and looks around.

It's been months since he's been around here. Months, because he'd left that Heartfilia girl sitting on the bench with her eyes crying and her heart breaking and he had walked away for their own good and she probably hated him now. And that made him glad, in a way.

But right now, he would've liked to have a coffee.

He finds himself wandering down the familiar path and, ten minutes later, winds up at the lamppost and bench and water fountain. The water fountain was iced over, the lamppost's light flickered, and the bench was heaped with snow.

He stands and looks at it for a while, almost seeing a girl in Rag and Bone sandals and a Derek Lam sleeveless white top and Rebecca Minkoff shorts huddling into a black denim jacket before he briefly closes his eyes and when he opens them, she's gone.

"Natsu?"

Erza Scarlet was walking towards him, wrapped in a dark jacket. Her long red hair blew gently in the wind, a spot of color in the otherwise black and white world around them.

"Hey." He was surprised to see her here, but he didn't show it.

"Looking for Lucy?" she asked, her voice cold.

"No." He looked over at the snow-covered bench again and again he thinks he sees her there, crystalline tears falling from her broken glass eyes.

Erza was silent for a moment as she stands next to him. "You broke her heart."

He lets out a laugh, though he can find nothing humorous about this conversation. "I don't see how I did." It was a half-lie. He sees it, sort of. But it's not there as well, because he's gotten so good at not seeing the signs.

"That's because you're selfish, arrogant, and egocentric." Her voice simmered with rage. "You don't see how your words broke her inside because you only care about yourself." Her eyes snap to him. "I know what you do, Natsu Dragneel. I've seen you."

He tilts his head and contemplates her. "You've seen me fight?"

"In those illegal underground street fights? Yes. I've watched you several times. My boyfriend, Jellal, used to fight in them as well for a few months before I made him stop. Levy told me Gajeel fought you once or twice as well."

Natsu rubbed his chin as he thinks vaguely of a tattooed boy and a pierced face. "So?"

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Erza was facing him now. "One day you can end up dead or crippled for life. You're young; you can do so much more. Why waste yourself doing this?"

He let out another laugh. "Why should I explain myself to you? And I fail to see what this has to do with Lucy."

"She knows."

"That I fight?"

"Yes."

He lets out a short sigh but doesn't say anything.

"She made Levy tell her after we met in that café. She wanted to see you fight, though I told her not to go. Seeing you like that… would have been too harsh for her."

"I get it, so she's the delicate princess, living in her cut-glass tower of rainbows and pretty flowers and she needs you, her knight, to protect her. Now what the fuck do you really want?" He was getting tired of this conversation. He was tired, cold, and hungry and all he wanted was to end this conversation so he could sleep.

"What I want is to know why you fight and why you broke her heart. Lucy didn't deserve it—"

"What Miss Heartfilia should've known is that she shouldn't have thought we were anything more," Natsu told her harshly. "We weren't friends, only acquaintances. We weren't what she wanted it to be... whatever she wanted it to be."

"So she's nothing more than a nurse?" Erza's voice was low and furious. "You meet with her all those times and treat it like nothing more than a trip to the doctor's office?"

"Yes," he spits out bitterly. "Because that's all this'll ever be. That's all _she_ will ever be."

She gazes at him for a long time. "Why do you fight?" she eventually asks in a soft voice.

Natsu chokes out a laugh. Goddamnit, but she was as persistent as Lucy. "Fuck you."

Erza makes an involuntary move, like she wanted to slap him, but refrained from doing so. She takes a deep breath and the wind whisks away the clouds from her lips. "Why do you fight? Why did you keep going back to her? What did you mean that's all Lucy _can_ ever be?"

"You keep digging, but you'll never find your answers," he says, voice suddenly oddly hoarse. "Keep trying to figure me out and you'll get so far from the truth you won't even know where you lost track of it."

Her eyes narrowed. "We'll see." She turns to go and walks a couple of steps before she stops and turns back around. "Lucy still misses you. Perhaps you two should talk." She goes back to him, pulling a strip of paper from her pocket, and thrusting it into his pocket.

She goes and he stands for a while, thinking of everything and nothing before he turns and walks away.

* * *

They will never know what he's always known since the day he first watched his father in those fights. They will never understand, because people hate what they don't understand and a princess will never understand how dragon fire thrums inside him, in the pit of his stomach, in the crevices of his heart, in the veins of his lungs, and in the blood of his veins. How his fists thirst for battle and each time he steps into the arena his body shudders and his heart pounds faster and faster like the beat of some exotic, hellish melody. How drunk he gets in victory and fire and rage and sorrow. How his anger is like an inferno that roars and consumes him as soon as he locks eyes with his opponent.

Fighting was in his blood, his bones, in his very essence. It was his drug, his meaning to life. The money was a bonus, of course, but it was inside those pits, beating and grabbing and punching and kicking and struggling for breath when he felt the most _alive_ and he knew that this would forever be the love of his life: this life of warfare.

No one would understand and they would hate him as they tried to, so he didn't tell anyone.

And he knows that because no one will understand, no one can love him and he thinks this is fine, because he has only two loves in his life and that's good enough for him.

Fighting and his father's last gift to him: the only things he needed.

Then Miss Heartfilia tried to insert herself into that short list and his entire being, his entire life simply turned, looked at her, and asked incredulously, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

It wasn't that she was a bad person. Oh no, it was because he knew, in some instinctual part of his mind that concentrated solely on survival, that if she wants to become a part of him that he absolutely could not ignore, that if he let himself care even the slightest for her, he could no longer fight.

Because he knows, one day, he will die in those pits. There will always be that one person who will beat him down into the mud and choke the life out of him. That one person who can get past his defenses. That one person who will end his reign of glory.

He doesn't mind; if anything, he preferred to die in battle. It was, in his mind, the perfect way to go. And when he dies, like the way he's always wanted to, he'll die with a smile on his face and joy in his heart.

But if Miss Heartfilia was added to the mix… she will be the one thing that will make him want to keep on living. She will stop his battles without even the slightest regard that stopping them will make him hate her because she will never understand this love for battle and she will selfishly make him stay by her side, safe and sound and he, if he ever fell in love with her too, might just comply to her wishes, if only to make her stay by his side.

And that could never happen, for his happiness and hers, so he will keep her at arm's length and maybe even further, and he will never again let Miss Heartfilia bandage his bruised, bloodied hands because she was the gateway down another path, a dangerous path, and if he gave himself in, he could never go back.

* * *

"Hello."

He turns and she's there, in Gianvito Rossi boots and a Burberry trench coat. The snow clings to her hair and her eyelashes.

He doesn't say anything, just looks at her, and she smiles in an almost-sad way as she holds up two white cups in paper sleeves. "Coffee?"

And they go sit at their bench and Lucy hands him a paper bag. Inside is his jacket, folded neatly. He accepts it with a murmured thanks and they sip their drinks in the cold, watching the snow fall.

"Erza said she talked to you," Lucy murmured. "Is that why you texted me?"

He shrugs. They finish their drinks in silence and he stands and looks down at her and she looks up at him inquisitively.

His eyes meet hers and for a second, she thinks she sees Hell in them.

"I heard you wanted to watch me fight."

* * *

The room was hot and dirty and crowded, but Natsu walks right in and a hush falls over the crowd. The people move back and he leads Lucy right up to a raised concrete platform with an excellent view of the perfectly circular dirt pit in the center of the rough amphitheater. Several chairs were grouped on the platform and sitting on one of them was a dark-haired man no older than Natsu himself, thumbing through a thick wad of cash.

He makes the dark-haired man, Gray, promise to watch her and then he disappears and Lucy is left sitting awkwardly in the creaky metal chair as people give her searching, confused, derisive, and lustful looks. Several men attempted to approach her, but Gray chased them off with a scathing glare and they never glanced at her again.

And before long, Natsu stepped into the pit to the roars and screams of the crowd.

And for the first time, Lucy really _truly_ saw him for the monster he was.

And when it was over and he stood straight, standing over the unconscious body at his feet and he threw back his head to the bright fluorescent lights above and howled with teeth dyed red with blood, Lucy turned and fled.

Gray watched her leave before letting out a heavy sigh and removed five hundred dollars from the wad in his hands. Later, as Natsu stumbled towards him looking for the girl, he tucked the money into the pink-haired man's pocket.

"Good job today," he said and nodded towards the door. "She left." Gray examined Natsu's expression, understanding and alarm crossing his face. "And you knew she would."

He smirked. "See you next week." He clapped Gray's shoulder and walked out the door and into icy coldness.

Gray stares after him and shakes his head in sadness before turning back to the next fight.

* * *

He finds her, shivering and crying on the bench. She doesn't even let him speak before she spits out, "Why do you do it?"

He doesn't speak and she wipes at her eyes. "Why do you fight? Don't you even know how you _look_ in there, Natsu? God, you were… you were terrifying." She gulps and sniffles before she looks up at him. "Why do you even do it? It's such a horrible, _horrible_ sport…"

He looks down at her and she looks down, sees his bloody hands but this time she doesn't reach for them, doesn't take them into her soft grasp and bandage them with gentle scolds and worried fusses. She looks away, closes her eyes. "Why did you take me there?" she eventually whispers.

It was a while before he answers.

"Because you had to know why we can't ever be together."

When she looks up again, he's gone.

* * *

She goes there again at a far earlier time, when there are no fights. She doesn't really expect the door to open, but it does and she steps in to find Gray there, once again counting his money. The only other person is a thin man sweeping the floors with a broom, which he was strangely caressing as if it was a lover.

"You want to know about Natsu," Gray says before she even opens her mouth. He sighs and shoves the money back into the dark blue safe box at his feet. "Well come on up." She sits and he calls to the man sweeping the floors. "Hey, give us a moment, would you?"

The man gave a two-fingered salute and sauntered out of the room.

Gray waits until the door is closed before he starts speaking without preamble. "The first thing you have to know about Natsu, is that this…" He gestures at the amphitheater. "Is his _addiction_." He lets out a short laugh. "He probably doesn't know this and I'm the only one who knows, who _figured it out,_ but fighting is his addiction and it's as dangerous as if he was addicted to coke or meth.

"It started most likely when he was a kid. His foster dad, Igneel, fought in these fights and Natsu would come and watch after school and on the weekends, Igneel would teach him how to fight. And pretty soon, he was hooked. He started fighting when he was eighteen, which is the youngest we'll let people fight here, and just… never stopped."

"Why didn't you stop him?" Lucy demanded. "You knew he had a problem, why didn't you help him? Aren't you his friend?"

"I've been his best friend for eight years," Gray said in an exhausted voice. "And I've tried so many times till I've lost count. I did everything I could and it wasn't enough. We even had an official match about it. If you looked at his neck, you'll see a scar. That was from me," he said in a humorless voice. "We were 21 years old. I told him if he lost, he'll go to a doctor about his addiction problem. He beat me so hard I woke up in the hospital a week later, but not before I gave him that scar on his neck."

Lucy's eyes were wide, horrified.

Gray rubbed a hand over his face. "It's the denial that gets to me the most," he admits. "He keeps saying he doesn't have a problem and everyone who works in this place knows he does. But I'm the only one who dares say anything about it, cause I'm the only one who can take him in a fight and _just_ manage to win. 2 times out of 10 though, but it's still 2 times more than anybody else here."

He clears his throat. "And I guess you're wondering why he can't fall in love."

"I think I have a pretty good idea," Lucy murmurs. "Fighting is already his love, isn't it?"

"Not just that. He won't fall in love because of two other reasons." He holds up a finger. "One, he knows whoever he falls in love with will try to get him to stop and he's the type that if they want him to stop, he'll do it and you know how strong addiction can be; he's terrified he'll stop because he knows he'll stop if the girl he loves wants him to so it'll be a battle between two desires; two incredibly strong desires. Two…" Gray gave Lucy a wary look as he holds up the second finger. "Two is because he wants to die fighting."

She gasps and he places a hand over her mouth before the questions and exclamations of disbelief follow. "Just listen to me." Lucy nods reluctantly and he removes his hand. "Natsu has always felt he was going to die in the pit. I think he even _wants_ to die at the hands of a formidable opponent. And that's why he won't love, because he thinks it'll hurt the one he loves too much.

"You've heard him say that though he's not a gentleman, he's got morals? Yeah, thought so. He says that because he knows he can't, in good conscience, leave for a fight wanting to die while someone he loves waits for him to come back. The thought that one day he won't come home at all would kill the two of them, and that just leads to my first point again.

"So, Lucy, for all 26 years of his life, he has never, _ever_ let someone get close to him in that way at all except for Igneel, who died six years ago. You were probably the first person besides me he's let in in his entire life besides his father." She looks into his eyes and sees raw hope shining bright. "And… this is wrong for me to wish this, but when he brought you to that fight two days ago, I hoped you'll be the one who can help me with his addiction." He drew back and sighed. "I know, it's a huge responsibility and I don't blame you at all if you get up and leave right now but…" He looks at her. "You're in love with him. And maybe… maybe that idiot would fall in love with you too."

Lucy sits, white-faced and still, and Gray sighs. "Go home and think about it," he says gently. "Call me when you've made a decision." He pulls a pen and an old receipt out of his pocket and scribbles down a series of numbers.

She takes it and Gray escorts her to the door and watches as she walks slowly away, a look of sorrow in his dark eyes.

* * *

"Natsu." And her quiet, tortured voice makes him pause.

Lucy sits among bloody tissues and Band-Aid wrappers and cotton swabs and a bottle of half-emptied isopropyl alcohol and her eyes were tired and sad. "I spoke with Gray," she said quietly.

He freezes for just a half second. "And what has that Icy Prick been telling you?"

"He's not a prick," she says angrily and the barest hint of _something_ freezes and drops in his stomach and tightens his chest. "And I think he's right, Natsu."

He snorts. "Oh please. Don't tell me you agree with that stupid _addiction_ thing."

"It is an addiction and you know it!" she says hotly, springing to her feet. Her tall Versace boots crunched the snow as she stomped over to him. "And it's going to kill you if you don't stop—"

"Well maybe that's what I want!" he shouts at her, turning around and it takes everything in Lucy not to shrink back from the hellfire burning in the depths of those obsidian eyes. "Maybe that's the way I want to go! Not everyone gets the chance to choose how they die and I just got my chance handed to me on a silver platter and by God, I'm going take full advantage of this and get as much pleasure as I can out of it before I die!"

"Well there are people, people _in this world_ , who _don't_ want you to die!" she screams back and now there are tears falling from her eyes and splattering onto her Marc Jacobs coat. "There's Gray and, and—"

"Oh please, everyone wants me to die," Natsu says, laughing. It was an odd sound, full of insanity and sadness and horror and fear.

" _I_ DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!"she shrieks, losing it. "WHAT ABOUT _ME_ , NATSU? HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT _I_ DON'T WANT YOU TO FIGHT TILL YOU'RE ALL BLOODY AND BROKEN? HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT _I_ GET SCARED THAT I'LL BE SITTING HERE IN THIS SPOT WAITING FOR YOU TO SHOW UP ONE NIGHT AND YOU DON'T?! THAT MAYBE _I_ DON'T WANT YOU TO TEAR YOURSELF APART BECAUSE OF YOUR _STUPID_ ADDICTION?!" She's crying now and all he could do is stare at her. "I love you…," she sobs. "And I don't want to see you now and know one day I'll never see you again and the only thing I'll be looking at is a gravestone."

She hiccups, spent, and slumps to the ground, sitting on the wet, icy snow. Silence fell and there was nothing but the wind as the first snowflakes fall from the clouded heavens.

"This is why I wanted no one to fall in love with me, and why I didn't want to fall in love," he eventually said.

Lucy lets out a low, exhausted sob and he goes and kneels in front of her, staring into her eyes.

"I don't love you," he says quietly and she starts to turn away, but he grasps her face, not letting her gaze escape his. "And I can't stop." His voice is quiet, with an undercurrent of desperation that no one on this living earth has ever heard before. "You don't understand, Lucy, _I_ _can't stop_. I tried, once, for Gray after I knocked him out and sent him into that week-long coma. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat." He lets out a long breath. "That's why I want to die, because the only way I can stop is if I die and the only way I want to die is in the pit."

She looks at him with wide, pleading eyes. "Please don't give up," she whispers, the desperation in her voice making something in him jump and twist. "I'll get you a good doctor. With-With the right therapy, you'll be okay."

"I've been… like this… for years," he said in a defeated voice. "I don't see how."

"Then we'll limit it. You can still fight; just… don't go in there with the intent of trying to kill yourself. Do it for fun, or something." She was babbling, clutching at his coat with urgency. "Or you can open a fighting school and teach people how to fight. Gray said Igneel taught you how so maybe you can pass those on to others. Or you can be a bodyguard or something or…" She gulped for air when she found her lungs were getting tight. "You should do something productive with that urge, Natsu," she said. "Turn that energy and focus from your addiction into something else."

He stares at her for long minutes before he lets out a long breath. "Okay," he said quietly.

"Okay?" she looks at him a little fearfully, unsure of what he wanted to do.

"I'll go talk to someone about this," he muttered, looking away from her because for once in his life, there was finally a glint, a glimmer, of a silver lining. "So they can find options for me to deal with it. I kinda like that fighting school thing, but I dunno if I wanna teach kids and stuff…"

Lucy looks at him with growing hope as he continues to speak and if she could, she would've thrown her arms around him, but this was Natsu and she hesitated to do so. However, she put her hand on his arm and he looked at her and she stared at him with bright eyes and a large, smile on her face.

"What?" he asks when she doesn't speak.

She lets out a choked laugh and wipes at her eyes. "Thank you." The gratitude in her voice makes his cheeks burn with an unfamiliar heat and he looks away.

"You're welcome."

* * *

They decided to send Natsu to a prestigious addiction center in Veronica, the tiny country above Fiore. It made it hard for them all to visit, and the cost was mind-blowingly expensive, but they all agreed it was necessary to help him. Money was of no issue to them, but Natsu still felt guilty for using so much of Lucy's savings.

"It's alright, Natsu," she said gently. They stood apart from the others, she being the last one to say goodbye to him before his flight. "Just get better, alright?" She hesitated and something flickers in her eyes before she simply shakes her head and instead grasps his hand between two of hers. "Come back soon," she whispers, smiling.

He simply nods at her and the barest flicker of a smile crosses his face. "Thank you," he awkwardly says. "For everything you've done for me."

"Don't be silly," she says, laughing. "That's what friends are for, right?" But there is just the barest trace of bittersweet in her laugh and he feels an unfamiliar pang in his chest and he opens his mouth. To say what, he doesn't know—

"Now boarding Flight 459 to Veronica in Terminal 2," the loudspeaker announces.

"Time to go." Lucy cheerfully shoves him towards the gate. "Go on, fool, before you miss your flight."

Gray and the few acquaintances Levy, Gajeel, Erza, and Jellal, step up and shake his hand or clap him in the shoulder once again, wishing him good luck. Natsu looks into their faces and, for the first time, feels thankful for these people. He fingers the scarf— Igneel's last gift— around his neck and long to pull it up to hide the blush building up, but that would make it more obvious. Instead, he gruffly tells them they're embarrassing him and they grin and move back to make way for him and he's about to drag his duffel bag away and he takes two steps before he stops and turns, with something in him that prompts him to unwind the scarf from his neck and drape it over Lucy's.

"Keep it safe for me, yeah?" He nods and turns and walks away without another backwards glance.

They watch him disappear through the gate and then, forty minutes later, watch the plane surge into the clear blue sky. Lucy grasps the scarf around her neck and she thinks she could still feel Natsu's warmth soaking into her, warming her cheeks, and she watches the plane until it was no more than a dot in the sky.

"Bye, Natsu," she whispers to herself before she allows herself to be led away by Erza.

* * *

It takes 10 months for Natsu to return. As soon as he steps into the Arrivals Hall, his friends immediately swarm him, asking about his stay in Veronica. They note with approval that he seems more relaxed, more open. There is an air of confidence around him that speaks not of a bad boy visage, but of someone at ease with himself and the world around him. He had grown taller and though his hands will forever be scarred and just a little bit twisted from all the times he's damaged his joints, the skin has healed nicely and they notice that there were no new wounds.

But what shocked them the most was the easy grin on his face. He could never stop breaking into a smile and his entire face lights up when he does, drawing the attention of young and old alike. He seemed like a new man.

But the only damper on his happiness was when he glanced around and asked, "Where's Lucy?"

Levy and the others looked around at each other and grimaced before Gray stepped up with a guilty look. "Uh, Natsu, please don't, uh, do anything rash, but—"

"Is Lucy alright? Is she hurt?" he asked, alarmed, and the new worry caused them to all blink at him with surprise.

"Well…"

"I'm right here, idiot."

And he turns around to see Lucy smiling at him, wearing a casual outfit that looked like she could've bought it at Forever 21 or H&M instead of the insanely expensive clothes she usually wore. Her hair was longer, now reaching to her waist instead of her shoulders, and she wore Natsu's scarf around her neck, the fabric as clean and crisp and white as when he first handed it to her. The only thing different however…

"You broke your leg?!" he yelped, dashing forward as she wobbled forward on her crutches. "What happened?" he asked almost frantically as she came to a stop by his side.

"Me," Gray said glumly. "No, wait!" he shouted when he saw the old fighting gleam return to his best friend's eye. "I thought you were cured!"

"I am," Natsu snorted. "I keep it under control now, like a normal person. No more fighting than necessary and all that crap. But sometimes…" He glowered at Gray, who began to sweat. "Sometimes, when it's really, _really_ necessary, I can let it out…"

"Oh stop teasing him, Natsu," Lucy said, rolling her eyes. "It was my fault in the first place. I wanted him to teach me how to fight."

He blinked at her. "Fight?" He glanced back and forth between them. "But…why?"

A soft gleam entered her eye and she stepped closer and touched his arm. "Well, for a lot of reasons. First, I do need to learn how to defend myself. Remember that man in the park who…" She fell silent, but he knew what she meant.

"Assaulted you." Natsu's voice was soft. His fist had clenched and there was a dark look in his eyes.

"Yes. He's in jail now, by the way, but anyways, I need to defend myself if something like that happens again. Okay, second, I need to get in shape. I'm seriously fat from all the cake Erza kept making a few months ago—"

She stopped and paused as Natsu stepped forward and gently grasped her arm. Lucy, eyes wide, glanced at her friends, who smirked and winked at her before surreptitiously turning away, giving them their privacy. "Natsu…?"

"I get why you gotta defend yourself, Lucy." His voice was soft. "But don't forget, you also have me to protect you." He drew back and there was a gentle look in his eyes that made her heart skip. "And I swear I'll protect you for the rest of my life, Lucy." He smiled and gestured at her leg. "So how'd you get that?"

She continued to gape at him for a few seconds, thrown by his words, and it took her a few tries to get her voice working again. "I tried to block a kick from Gray, but I think I had the wrong position or something. He fractured it." She put a quick hand on his arm before he could react. "Don't worry, it was a few months ago. I'll be healed in no time."

"That's good." Natsu grins at her, a bright beautiful grin, and she feels a smile stretch over her lips as well. He looks her over. "I like your new clothes. They suit you better than your old ones."

Lucy glances down at her somewhat faded tee. "Yeah, I guess they do." She laughs. "I moved out from my Dad's mansion about a month after you left. Told him I've had enough of his silent treatment. I packed a suitcase and went to live at Erza's for two months before I found a nice apartment close to your place. Gray helped me with that." For some reason, she couldn't look him in the eye anymore and see that strange look in them that made her heart beat faster and faster. Nervous, she began to babble. "Oh and speaking of your place, I borrowed the spare key in Gray's house and did some cleaning every few weeks. The last time I cleaned it was yesterday so—"

She was cut off with a gasp when Natsu suddenly pulled her close and hugged her; the most affectionate gesture she'd ever received from him. There were gasps of surprise and one or two whistles from the boys, but she didn't care and instead wraps her arms around him, abandoning her crutches, and wraps her arms around his neck as he dangles her a few inches above the floor so she wouldn't strain her bad leg.

"While I was in Veronica," he whispered in her ear. "I kept thinking of you and why, no matter how many times I told myself I can never care for anyone in my life, I let you in. I just… I don't know why. And, well, the past 10 months made me really think about that night you screamed at me and you told me…" They both flushed as they remembered. "You told me you loved me and that led to more thinking and…" He grimaced. "Basically a whole lot of thinking happened the entire time I was there. And I decided that I want to give us a try." He turns hopeful eyes on her. "If…if you still want me, that is."

She doesn't waste any time with words. Instead, she grins and leans forward and presses her lips to his and he, after a moment of shocked surprise, responds and they vaguely hear cheering from what seemed to be a lot of people, more than just their little group of friends, and Lucy laughs as Natsu picks her up and swings her around. "Careful, I don't want my cast to hit someone in the face," she warns him through her laughter. "That would hurt."

He stops and grins. "Yeah I guess it would, fractured leg and all." They glance at their friends, who were looking at them with ecstatic expressions. "Time to go home?"

"Mhm." Lucy moves as if to get out of his arms, but when she looks down, the crutches were gone. "Where are my—" And she looks up and sees Levy and Erza sauntering away with them, smirking. "Hey, give them back!" she shouts after them and yelps as Natsu picks her up in his arms. "No! I'm heavy!"

"Yeah, you really are," he huffs exaggeratedly, groaning. "Ugh, my back!" Lucy scowls and swats at his head and he ducks and grins and kisses her cheek affectionately. "Now come on, let's go home."

She laughs, her brief annoyance forgotten as Natsu carries her out of the airport. "Yeah," she says, smiling. "Let's go home."


End file.
